Put our foster children BEFORE their parents

• When children are taken into custody for drugs and neglect, all people living in the home should have to have a drug test if drugs, drug residue, or paraphernalia are found in the home. If not all of the residents then at least both parents should be tested initially.
• Before parents are allowed visitations with the children, they should have to complete the following:
They should be able to show proof of enrollment in the treatment programs and they should have to be able to pass a drug test. Yes, this means that they will not have visits for the first couple of months, but honestly, is it fair to a child to have visits with a parent who is still using drugs and not trying to show proof of changing the situation? These parents should have to earn their visitations. If they are sad or upset because they do not get to see their children then MAYBE they will feel the need to straighten up their life. Allowing them two one-hour visits a month is enabling them to continue on with their life just as it was. Why should they change when they can party and do whatever they want and STILL see their children during visits? They have a free babysitter according to them. Let me add that they have a babysitter who sits up at night while their children cry for their parents and ask what they did wrong. One who has to hold them when they leave their parents after these visits and one that has to explain to them why they cannot live with the SAME PARENTS WHO JUST TOLD THEM THEY WILL BE HOME SOON. Babysitters who give up the lives that they once knew to take these innocent children to therapy and doctor appointments to help them through the events of their lives, appointments for speech or motor skills due to drug exposure or neglect. Babysitters who clothe them and feed them. Granted these babysitters receive money from the state to help take care of them but the parents are crazy if they feel that this money makes up for lost wages and expenses for taking care of them properly. MAKE THE PARENTS EARN THE PRIVALEGE OF VISITATION. Yes, I understand that the children need to see their parents, but do they really need to go through the emotional stress and damage of seeing a parent and leaving them over and over again for a year plus some if the parent is not trying to get them back? I, along with many other foster parents who have seen the after effects, would say no. The children deserve to be able to be a child for once. If a parent is not doing their treatment programs then I can promise you that they are not the ones hurting after these visits. The children are. It is up to us to protect them.
• Parents should be asked if they could pass a drug test and be subject to random ones before every visit. A parent with drugs in their system SHOULD NOT be around the very child/children that they lost custody of due to drugs. A parent could get high right before a visit and endanger their child or act inappropriately. There are many drugs that can be used and not detected by the way that the parent looks. As I stated, our girls’ mom tested positive for meth in January, a year after losing her kids. She knew that she was supposed to have court on the day that she had her drug test. She did not care, but she was still seeing the girls twice a month and telling them that they were coming home.
• If CDV charges are involved and the parents show up together for visitations, a report should be filed with the police department and visitation for that day should be taken away. The parents lost the children due to CDV also; how can you be sure that one or both parents are not going to flip out on the other right in front of the children again? You cannot be positive and that is why the visit should be cancelled and a report should be filed. The parents are not putting the best interests of their children first when they do this.

It seems that sometimes the parents are given all of the rights and their feelings are protected more than the children. We were told that some judges see termination of parental rights as a “death sentence.” While I respect and look up to our judges for all that they do (along with our DSS offices), I feel that a parent should have a short time to prove that they are trying to get their children back. In some cases, the best thing for that child would be to not have to go through all of these visit and be given false hope for a year or longer only to have to be terminated from their parents a few years down the road. Those are years that you can never give back to those children—children who could have a bright future but will now suffer years of therapy to try to mend the lack of self worth and sense of belonging that they did not have. These children are our future and we cannot have a better future when so many of these innocent babies are broken. I am not saying that children in the system do not have a bright future but they have the most difficult journey to get there. It is time to stop fee...