To: The United States Senate
Adoption law changes
Adoption laws need to be changed to protect innocent children. Please help us take a stand against coercion, fraud, and duress for the sake of birth parents, adoptive parents and children.
Why is this important?
Coercion. Fraud. Relinquishment. These are all words I was unfamiliar with until they impacted my life in a very horrible way. I was blindly led into a coercive adoption, and my rights as a mother were signed away before I even knew what had happened. I am pleading with you to consider changing the adoption laws to protect birthmothers, children, and adoptive parents.
In my case I had agreed to have a child (biologically mine and my husbands) for some very close friends of ours who were unable to conceive. I made it clear before conception that I needed to be a part of my child's life or I could not do this. The couple eagerly agreed and promised I would always be in his life and he would know who his real parents are. One big happy family was the term always used.
The signing of documents were referred to as temporary custody & 48 hour papers. I was also told the adoption wouldn't be finalized until the baby was 6 months old. This also led me to believe I would not have to sign adoption papers until the 6 month time period. I did not have an attorney to represent me, and never even knew that was an option.
We were told to take our baby to the Dr. the day after we left the hospital due to a slight fever. I was told by Becky-the potential adoptive parent, that in order for her to take him to the Dr. we HAD to go first thing in the morning after I was dismissed from the hospital so she would have papers to show the Dr. Once again, I thought these were temporary documents giving her a legal right to have my son in her home and to seek medical care for him until the adoption was final in 6 months.
Early the next morning we left for a law office and met with a lawyer I had never seen before. I was crying my eyes out because I was really having doubts about not having my son for the 6 month time period, but I was too scared to say anything. I was horribly sleep deprived and taking a pain medication I wasn't familiar with that made my thoughts even more cloudy.
The whole meeting was very casual and there was a lot of talk between B and her lawyer about how we would remain involved in our sons life. I could barely see due to my crying, and regrettably just signed whatever paper was slid in front of me. I trusted this was temporary at this point, and never ever dreamed it would be so easy to sign away permanent rights so soon.
We left the office with no copy of what we signed. Our son was born on July 17, and we didnt find out what we had truly signed until August 5. I was devestated and heart broken. All I could say when I found out was What have we done, what have we done???
I have researched and found support groups for so many women who have similar stories. Some don't remember signing anything at all. Almost no one ever has had a lawyer to explain the documents before they are signed. Ive seen a great deal of sad stories. Before this all happened to me I would have never believed half of these stories, or I would have dismissed the women as crazy.
There is no way of knowing the emotions one will feel after your baby is born. Then when you have someone pushing papers in front of you and making promises to you, it is all just too overwhelming.
I would like to propose a change to avoid this trauma to all parties involved.
I propose that it become mandatory for a pregnant woman to recieve counseling at the expense of the potential adoptive parents so that she can make an informed decision. This will help ensure she is not being pressured or coerced by anyone, and that this is truly her decision.
I propose that every pregnant woman would have to speak to an attorney prior to any signing to go over the documents that she will be expected to sign. The documents should be explained thoroughly by the attorney, and she should be told in no uncertain terms that once papers are signed, she will not have any rights to ever see that child again. Any promises made by the potential adoptive parents will most likely be broken, and she will have to learn to live without her child.
I propose that the waiting period to sign papers be lengthened. Giving birth is a very hard, life changing moment and no woman should be expected to make a life changing decision in that condition.
I propose that all adoption documents be signed in a court room in front of a judge. This will cause the woman to understand the seriousness of the matter, and everything said and done will be on record.
While it is true that in some cases adoption is the best answer for a child; there are way too many cases such as mine that are very wrong and the system has failed us and our children.
Please protect those of us who have been victimized by people that want a baby so badly that they will say and do anything to get their hands on one. Please protect the innocent children from such wrong doing.
In my case I had agreed to have a child (biologically mine and my husbands) for some very close friends of ours who were unable to conceive. I made it clear before conception that I needed to be a part of my child's life or I could not do this. The couple eagerly agreed and promised I would always be in his life and he would know who his real parents are. One big happy family was the term always used.
The signing of documents were referred to as temporary custody & 48 hour papers. I was also told the adoption wouldn't be finalized until the baby was 6 months old. This also led me to believe I would not have to sign adoption papers until the 6 month time period. I did not have an attorney to represent me, and never even knew that was an option.
We were told to take our baby to the Dr. the day after we left the hospital due to a slight fever. I was told by Becky-the potential adoptive parent, that in order for her to take him to the Dr. we HAD to go first thing in the morning after I was dismissed from the hospital so she would have papers to show the Dr. Once again, I thought these were temporary documents giving her a legal right to have my son in her home and to seek medical care for him until the adoption was final in 6 months.
Early the next morning we left for a law office and met with a lawyer I had never seen before. I was crying my eyes out because I was really having doubts about not having my son for the 6 month time period, but I was too scared to say anything. I was horribly sleep deprived and taking a pain medication I wasn't familiar with that made my thoughts even more cloudy.
The whole meeting was very casual and there was a lot of talk between B and her lawyer about how we would remain involved in our sons life. I could barely see due to my crying, and regrettably just signed whatever paper was slid in front of me. I trusted this was temporary at this point, and never ever dreamed it would be so easy to sign away permanent rights so soon.
We left the office with no copy of what we signed. Our son was born on July 17, and we didnt find out what we had truly signed until August 5. I was devestated and heart broken. All I could say when I found out was What have we done, what have we done???
I have researched and found support groups for so many women who have similar stories. Some don't remember signing anything at all. Almost no one ever has had a lawyer to explain the documents before they are signed. Ive seen a great deal of sad stories. Before this all happened to me I would have never believed half of these stories, or I would have dismissed the women as crazy.
There is no way of knowing the emotions one will feel after your baby is born. Then when you have someone pushing papers in front of you and making promises to you, it is all just too overwhelming.
I would like to propose a change to avoid this trauma to all parties involved.
I propose that it become mandatory for a pregnant woman to recieve counseling at the expense of the potential adoptive parents so that she can make an informed decision. This will help ensure she is not being pressured or coerced by anyone, and that this is truly her decision.
I propose that every pregnant woman would have to speak to an attorney prior to any signing to go over the documents that she will be expected to sign. The documents should be explained thoroughly by the attorney, and she should be told in no uncertain terms that once papers are signed, she will not have any rights to ever see that child again. Any promises made by the potential adoptive parents will most likely be broken, and she will have to learn to live without her child.
I propose that the waiting period to sign papers be lengthened. Giving birth is a very hard, life changing moment and no woman should be expected to make a life changing decision in that condition.
I propose that all adoption documents be signed in a court room in front of a judge. This will cause the woman to understand the seriousness of the matter, and everything said and done will be on record.
While it is true that in some cases adoption is the best answer for a child; there are way too many cases such as mine that are very wrong and the system has failed us and our children.
Please protect those of us who have been victimized by people that want a baby so badly that they will say and do anything to get their hands on one. Please protect the innocent children from such wrong doing.