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To: McDonalds
End the McDonalds Double Drive Thru Lane
McDonalds should immediately eliminate the double drive thru lane due to its deleterious impact on the moral constitution of the country.
Why is this important?
Mostly, because it made me late for church. BUT ALSO:
There are many institutions throughout history that, while innocent on the surface, are the catalyst that leads to divisive and violent political change. One need only think to the chariot matches in Justinian's Byzantine Empire or the revolutionary coffee houses in Bourbon France. In our time, in America's time, this dangerous institution is the double drive thru lane, which has grown in popularity along the same timeline that America has fractured into political tribalism. I do not believe this to be a coincidence.
I will speak first to the practical reason McDonalds, in their malevolence, has instituted this perverse system. It has nothing to do with expediting service. Basic logic says that any line which splits and THEN REJOINS INTO A SINGLE CHOKEPOINT does not speed anything any more than a single outlet roundabout. In fact, it's worse than that- imagine a single direction road that goes from a single lane, to a double lane, then back again. The only reason McDonalds uses this system is to make the drive-through lane look one car length shorter than it actually is. It's a scam.
As a consequence, for the last four years, each time I wish to buy a cheap burger, I deal with mankind at its foulest. You know who you are. You, the dude in the lifted truck. You, the soccer mom in the Honda Odyssey which somehow compose 45% of the traffic in Winter Garden (Odysseus would be ashamed). You, the tweaker in the 1999 Cadillac with rims and speaker system valued higher than the resale value of your car. You think you've beaten the system. You're just tearing down civilization, one McDouble at a time, like a Visigoth at the gates of Rome or a Leninist cackling as he raises high the head of another member of the bourgeoisie.
WHEN YOU GET TO THE DIVERGENCE BETWEEN THE TWO LANES, YOU STOP. YOU WAIT. THAT'S THE ONLY WAY THE ALREADY STUPID SYSTEM MAKES ANY SENSE. You think you're the only one who figured it out, that if you ONLY GO AROUND THE CARS IN FRONT OF YOU and go into the right hand lane, in front of the person patiently waiting, YOU'VE BEATEN THE SYSTEM. You are no better than the person who books it down the emergency lane during bumper to bumper traffic.
As long as this foul mechanism persists in every McDonalds drive through, there is no hope for this country. As a civic body we are simply not equipped to deal with a moral temptation of this high an order. There will be no healing, no reconciliation, until a trip for a cheeseburger is not laden with social strife.
There are many institutions throughout history that, while innocent on the surface, are the catalyst that leads to divisive and violent political change. One need only think to the chariot matches in Justinian's Byzantine Empire or the revolutionary coffee houses in Bourbon France. In our time, in America's time, this dangerous institution is the double drive thru lane, which has grown in popularity along the same timeline that America has fractured into political tribalism. I do not believe this to be a coincidence.
I will speak first to the practical reason McDonalds, in their malevolence, has instituted this perverse system. It has nothing to do with expediting service. Basic logic says that any line which splits and THEN REJOINS INTO A SINGLE CHOKEPOINT does not speed anything any more than a single outlet roundabout. In fact, it's worse than that- imagine a single direction road that goes from a single lane, to a double lane, then back again. The only reason McDonalds uses this system is to make the drive-through lane look one car length shorter than it actually is. It's a scam.
As a consequence, for the last four years, each time I wish to buy a cheap burger, I deal with mankind at its foulest. You know who you are. You, the dude in the lifted truck. You, the soccer mom in the Honda Odyssey which somehow compose 45% of the traffic in Winter Garden (Odysseus would be ashamed). You, the tweaker in the 1999 Cadillac with rims and speaker system valued higher than the resale value of your car. You think you've beaten the system. You're just tearing down civilization, one McDouble at a time, like a Visigoth at the gates of Rome or a Leninist cackling as he raises high the head of another member of the bourgeoisie.
WHEN YOU GET TO THE DIVERGENCE BETWEEN THE TWO LANES, YOU STOP. YOU WAIT. THAT'S THE ONLY WAY THE ALREADY STUPID SYSTEM MAKES ANY SENSE. You think you're the only one who figured it out, that if you ONLY GO AROUND THE CARS IN FRONT OF YOU and go into the right hand lane, in front of the person patiently waiting, YOU'VE BEATEN THE SYSTEM. You are no better than the person who books it down the emergency lane during bumper to bumper traffic.
As long as this foul mechanism persists in every McDonalds drive through, there is no hope for this country. As a civic body we are simply not equipped to deal with a moral temptation of this high an order. There will be no healing, no reconciliation, until a trip for a cheeseburger is not laden with social strife.