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To: Champions of the United States Constitution

Tom Hanks for President!

The problem: Oh, puh-leez. We all know what the problem is. The Space Nazi and his sidekick, Agent Orange, are systematically dismantling our government. This aggression will not stand, man. 

The action needed: Let’s face it - we need a smart, charismatic celebrity, between 50 and 70 years old, to run for president on the Democratic ticket. No more stretches. This is not the election to try to get a minority of any kind into the Oval Office. There’s time for that later, after democracy has been rescued. This is the year to put the absolute best possible candidate up there. 

Sounds like a job for Tom Hanks, doesn’t it?

So - a personal plea: 

Dear Mr. Hanks:

First of all - I’m such a fan, I’ve adored you from Bosom Buddies on. You are this generation’s Jimmy Stewart. I would watch you read from the phone book. If phone books were still a thing. (Sorry - just needed to fangirl for a second - I’ll get down to business now.)

Your country needs you. 

Now, I know being president kinda sucks. It'll be four years of your life you’ll never get back. All day, every day, dealing with all the insanity that goes on in this country. You know it's got to be absolutely exhausting. And that's not even talking about the campaigning. You’ll come out looking ten years older instead of four.  I get it. 

On the other hand - the United States may not make it through this constitutional crisis. That would suck more. For the entire world, not just you. 

So I hate to ask this of you, and I know it’s the last thing in the world you want to do right now, but: please, please, pretty please with sugar on top, will you please run for President? Hire Pete Buttegieg to run your campaign, and then make him chief of staff. You could win. You might be the only human who could win. 

Announce it now. Who could challenge you in the primaries? Just run from day one as if you’re the democratic nominee. Just be presidential. Weigh in on every crisis. Do it on Twitter. Be the kind, stern, wise voice of reason that this country needs. Watch a movement coalesce around you. 

You could single handedly save this country. 

I know it's a huge ask, and honestly, I would even think of it, but I really do think you are the only person for the job. 

Be a hero. Run for president. Defeat that orange scumbag and run the billionaire nazis out of the White House. 

Help us, Obi Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope. 

Yours truly,

A devoted fan of democracy (and Tom Hanks)

Why is this important?

Saving democracy is pretty damn important, imho.